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Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Over it

After paying all my bills for the first half of the month, I thought to myself, ok, I'm good. I have enough money leftover to buy food so my boyfriend doesn't always have to pay. Oh, it's July - my WoW subscription renews this month. Ok, it's only $78 for 6 months. I still have money to get a new computer mouse. My current one is glitchy. I think I fried the USB fob because my computer gets fire hot when I play WoW. I found the mouse I want on Amazon refurbished for half the cost it is on Tiger Direct, and almost $20 less than a new one on Amazon. I've been suffering with a faulty mouse for a while now. I just haven't found one I liked, nor could afford. Oh yeah, my birthday is this month. That means I have to gift $106 to Florida so I can drive legally. I can't afford 2 years worth of registration, so next year I'll be paying more. I paid off the kitties' vet bill this month, so I have that going for me, which is nice. My consolidated student loan isn't due until halfway through August, so I'll take the money I would have paid for that, and put it on my credit card to help pay that down. I'm still paying for the down payment of my car on that thing.

The water company says we used over 40,000 gallons of water last month. I call bullshit. That's enough to fill our pool 4 times. We did not use that much water. According to the test they told us to do, we don't have a leak and their equipment isn't faulty. Again, I claim bullshit. So instead of putting food in the refrigerator, we have to give our money to the water company. Last night, we discovered our air conditioner - that we rarely run because it's too damn expensive - is dripping water, and a lot of it. We have no idea what's causing that, how to fix it, how much it will cost to fix, nor if we can fix it or if a repair person has to. So now there's even less money to buy food with.

I have been trying to keep and grow money in my savings account. I have a tendency to overspend each paycheck. Sometimes I forget about a purchase I made and have to transfer money from my savings to cover it. Other times I want to treat my boyfriend instead of having him pay for everything. Sometimes I just want to buy the damn thing I want. I'm 32. I'm 32 and I have no money. I've been in poverty most of my 32 years. I work full time, have a grant to cover my health insurance, have no housing expenses because I live with my fucking parents, yet our fridge is almost always empty. My family is overweight because we can't afford to buy healthy food; only processed shit. We never order out or go out to eat. Usually just for birthdays.

I'm over it. I'm over being poor and not being able to afford the things I want. I'm over not having food in the fridge. I want fruit, vegetables, fresh meat, something to snack on. I want to put the air conditioning on in the house when it's 90 degrees outside. I want to move out. I live in America - land of the free, home of the brave. Why has my country allowed this to happen to most of it's citizens? Why is everything so expensive, and pay so little?

So now I have to decide how much money I can give my parents to help cover the cost of the air conditioner and water, or do I give them extra money for food? Will they even take the money from me? I need money. I try to do some freelance work for some extra cash, but I'm never chosen to work on the project. My online businesses all fail, and I'm just throwing away money with them. How am I supposed to convince my parents not to get me anything for my birthday because I'd rather they put the money towards food? My back has been killing me. I wanted to put my savings towards a new bed, but that's not going to happen now. Especially if we need to replace our fucking air conditioner - which barely works to begin with. I've been dieing to visit my friends back in Colorado. I miss them greatly, but I can't afford to buy a plane ticket to visit them. I have to plan out years in advance when I might be able to go out there.

I just don't know what to do anymore.

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